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Witness of wives and sucklings

12 September 2007

John Habgood reflects on the family lives of the episcopate

The late Bishop Hugh Montefiore with his wife Elizabeth, by Dorothy Girouard. From the book reviewed here

Bishops, Wives and Children: Spiritual capital across the generations
Douglas J. Davies and Mathew Guest

BEFORE READING this book, I had clearly been underestimating the difficulties of being a bishop. There are, of course, obvious problems, as in any walk of life. The long hours, the many absences from home, the multi-purpose houses (part public and part private), the high expectations, the need to make uncomfortable decisions, the incessant work-load, the mental and spiritual exhaustion — all these are familiar to the clergy in general, but they are heightened in the case of the epis-copate. Inevitably they have reper-cussions on family life.

Nevertheless, to see them afresh through the eyes of sociologists can be illuminating, particularly when wives and children have also been interviewed anonymously, and thus enjoy scientific permission to air their discontents. There is much to be learned here from the frankness with which hitherto unacknow-ledged problems are exposed. It is clear that this is a book that might profitably be read by all married bishops, and by other clergy, too, as a basis for self-examination.

Episcopal wives of a slightly earlier generation could easily feel crushed by the multiple roles they were expected to play. I was glad, therefore, to find a reference to Rosalind Runcie, whose uncon-ventional interpretation of the task incidentally liberated many of those looking for ways to salve their consciences. Living in a home that is also a workplace, is constantly open to numerous visitors as well as staff, and with a husband who is out most evenings, will never be easy. Nor is it easy to be constantly on show, nor to meet the inflated expectations that many people have of bishops and their families.

The findings from in-depth interviews with bishops’ children are particularly interesting. A persistent theme is the need they feel to discover their own religious identity, often through a radical change of churchmanship. It is significant, too, how many of them pursue careers in public service of various kinds, and how widespread are the values typically found in clerical families — service, altruism, hospitality, civic-mindedness, moral restraint, and a critical perspective on the prevailing culture.

Episcopal homes, in short, rep-resent a rich store of spiritual capital, though not without some cost. There can be an uncomfortable awareness of the difference between one’s own family circle and that of other children and young adults who, unlike clergy children, usually find it much easier to make the separation between church and home.

The nature of this transference of spiritual capital from one genera-tion to another is the main theme of the book. Despite its absorbing interest for those whose lives are directly involved, it remains essen-tially an academic sociological study, not all of which is easy reading. Its academic status presumably also accounts for its exorbitant price; it is to be hoped that a cheaper paperback edition will eventually be made available.

It deserves to be read, not least by those who see scope in themselves for becoming better clerical parents, as well as by those responsible for providing the contexts in which such parents live and work.

Lord Habgood is a former Archbishop of York.

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