Have a go at our next caption competition (above). Send entries by email only to captioncompetition@churchtimes.co.uk by 9 a.m., Monday 27 June
Here is the winning entry for the previous competition:
Adam Parker-Randall Adam Parker-Randall
When he was asked to take a bow before the Queen, it nearly led to separation of Church and State (Mary Hawkins)
THE caption competition is back after a break, and we are pleased to see evidence that Anglicans’ love of a long-running Radio 4 drama continues:
“The Bishop had thought he had been invited to appear on The Archers” (Patrick Irwin); “Not as entertaining as the Radio 4 version” (Sheila Rosenthal); “Now this was far more exciting than just listening to The Archers on the radio” (Rob Falconer); “7 p.m. The Archers: local Bishop has the Bull in his sights” (John Saxbee); “Not to be outdone by Prince Charles on EastEnders, the Bishop joined The Archers” (Michael Doe); and “This isn’t exactly what I meant when I said I wanted to make a guest appearance on The Archers” (Luke Sanderson).
Bishops are known to like targets these days, but we weren’t aware they were being taken quite so literally:
“The Bishop had been told in his yearly review that he should aim to reach as many targets as possible” (Sue Chick); “The Bishop was a ‘dab hand’ at ‘pulling strings’ in order to hit his targets” (Mark Parry); “The Bishop’s micro-sermon was — you won’t hit the target unless you let go!” (Peter Sebbage); “I’m more used to targets like 10,000 churches” (Martin Kettle); “Strategic Development Funding is conditional on hitting very specific targets” (John Appleby); and “I simply asked them to set realistic targets” (Janet Stockton).
The Jubilee celebrations might have occasioned the revival of a certain hymn that arouses patriotic fervour:
“I thought ‘Jerusalem’ was a rousing hymn for a civic service. I didn’t want someone literally to bring me a bow and arrow!” (Valerie Budd); “Bring me my bow of burning gold, bring me my arrows of desire,” sang the Bishop as he practised for the Kevin Costner sequel, Robin Hood, Prince of Thieves 2” (Richard Spray); “Bring me my bow of burning gold! Bring me my arrows of desire! and I shall win that cuddly toy” (Aaron Milne); and “He had his bow of burning gold and his arrows of desire, but what he really wanted was a giant teddy” (Philip Lickley).
Mindful of the parlous state of the nation and Church, arrow prayers are being fired off with particular urgency, it seems:
“How to send an arrow prayer” (Michael Gill); “The Bishop’s arrow prayer gets a helping hand from above” (Douglas Scarisbrick); “The Bishop said an ‘Arrow Prayer’ as he took aim, and it looks like the Mayor should have done just the same” (Lesley Cope); “Has no one told the Bishop that arrow prayers need an upward trajectory?” (Don Manley).
Some other entries that we enjoyed:
“It’s always wise to stay on the right side of the Bishop” (Lynda Sebbage); “I don’t know about the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune; I must get the better of the Mayor” (Julian Ashton); “The Bishop tried to resist the temptation to aim at the Archdeacon rather than the apple” (Bridget Swan) “Civic leaders misunderstood when they were told they would be getting a visit from the Arch Bishop” (Pearl Davison); “‘The meaning of the word “sin” in Greek is missing the mark,’ thought the Bishop. ‘I’d better hit the bullseye’” (Lorna Brook); “Say, that target looks awfully like the ‘Save the Parish’ logo. . .” (Che Seabourne); “Bishop finds a new way of making his point at General Synod” (Nick Baker); “‘We asked the Bishop to open the competition because he is a well-known toxophilite.’ ‘Are you sure? I always thought he was an Anglican’” (Ray Morris); “The Church resorts to medieval methods to boost funds” (Ken Wilkinson); “The new curate started to feel a little nervous as he slowly put the apple on his head” (Sandra Leaton Gray); “They were getting rather too enthusiastic at the re-enactment of the martyrdom of St Sebastian” (Stephen Disley); “I promise you, this is nothing to do with redistribution of wealth — OK, it might be. Archdeacon, pass me an arrow!” (Clive Deverell); “Both the Mayor and the Bishop were intent on stopping the hostile takeover of NatWest Bank” (David John); and “The Bishop thought he mitre’s well join the Agincourt re-enactment” (Philip Deane).
As ever, the winner receives a prize of Fairtrade chocolate, courtesy of Divine Chocolate. divinechocolate.com
