CATHERINE has an active Christian faith. She has been married to Daniel, a Jew, for 30 years. They have four children.
“We met at university. I’d been brought up going to church, but not in a very committed Christian family. I was briefly involved with the Christian Union, but when they sent round two members to tell me I had to choose ‘God or him’, it really upset me. I didn’t go back.
“As our relationship grew, we found religious people quite a nuisance. We felt like Romeo and Juliet against the world. The Jewish side had a difficulty with ‘out-marriage’. His family tried to dissuade us. They thought the children would be confused, growing up.
“Nine years into our marriage, my faith was revitalised. I met a work colleague who seemed very secure in her Christian faith. I felt she had something I didn’t. Taking part in Passover celebrations also made me think again, and I began going to church on my own.
“I think Daniel was puzzled at first. It was an Evangelical church, and there were invitations to bring him along. He did come once, and someone homed in on him and tried to convert him. I don’t think God wants my husband to change his label. I don’t want him to be anything other than he is.
“We worked out early on what was worth debating and what not (questions like ‘Are Jews still waiting for the Messiah?’). We had to talk about the wider family, and acknowledge that some weren’t comfortable about our relationship. Most people were OK when the deed was done, and wanted to get to know us. I wasn’t happy about our son being circumcised, and Daniel did not want our children baptised; so we did neither.
“The baptism issue brought a lot of agonising. I took the children with me to church, and it became hard when they started admitting children to communion. Mine were not baptised, and so were still excluded, but every Sunday service was a eucharist.
“I told the Vicar he was not being inclusive, but just drawing the boundary lines in a different place. He didn’t see the problem, and the Bishop didn’t want to discuss it. I felt no one was standing by me, or realising how we felt.
“I also find it tough around Easter. My first church had a collection for the mission to the Jews every Good Friday. The Passiontide liturgy is very difficult, where there are references to Jews. That bit about, ‘His blood be upon us and our children’ — it’s my children we’re talking about. And I was horrified to hear the ‘Reproaches’ sung in church. But the Vicar did modify the readings in response to my concerns.”
